I really don't feel like going to school lately..
I've been having a hard time keeping motivated, Everything is so difficult financially.
It's like.. what do you have to do just to survive? it seems almost impossible.
There's all this stuff that I need to do, and all this stuff that I want. But i can't have it yet, so.. sucks for me I guess.. I feel so rediculous trying to think I can support myself having an apartment right now when I can't even pay my own phone bill, not to mention Insurance and gas..
but i'm 18 and i'm really sick of depending on people, and consistantly having to go back and cause people to spend more money on me, as if they already weren't having financial issues.. Gah, who isn't these days?
I want to be a responsible adult now. Yeah, i'm still in school.. blah blah blah.. But I feel like i'm still not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I owe my dad soo much money. I need to take care of that. And i keep spending money when I get it.. At least lately it has been on Gas and things like Christmas/Birthday gifts.. which is better than the usual fast food. (which by the way, I have not been spending on since I have food-stamps) oh yeah, here I go now being a hypocrit cause I'm pissed off at our Government for raising minimum wage again and now everything else is getting more expensive yet I'm using the tax payers resources.. Gah. But hey, how else am I gonna eat?
I'm going to start working again soon, In a couple weeks..
and I feel really lame right now because I'm seriously having major problems not get upset.
Kolleen tried out for Oklahoma, (the musical) and I know she is going to get the Lead part, the one she has wanted for ever (she says). It's been her "dream to play so and so". And I'm so proud of her, she's such a great actress.. The only thing is.. that there's major kissing in that musical. I can't even handle that. Yeah, I know its not her kissing the guy, it's her Charicter, blah blah.. But think about it.. Put yourself into my shoes..
It's not that I don't support her, because I completely do. I just wont be able to watch her kiss another guy, especially like that. It's a pretty passionate kiss in that play. I actually think there's more than one too. And I feel like a horrible boyfriend. It's not that I don't trust her, because I completely do, and I know she wont get feelings for the guy in the play, It's not even anything to do with her at all.. It's just me, I cant handle it. I don't think I'm going to be able to watch the musical when they start showing it.. I hate it I hate it I hate it.. I'm sooo stupid. Oh and the best part is, Is that Most likely.. Caleb is going to get the Guy Lead part. So.. She will have to kiss him AGAIN!! EWWwwwww!!!! i feel bad for her if thats what happens.. he's nasty.
This is just me ranting.. because I can't sleep, this has been bothering me and I have tried talking about it and she makes me feel better a little bit, But still.. So I figured maybe writing about it might help a little more.
But on a better note, Tomorrow.. actually in about 15 minutes, kolly will be officially 18!!!! yay!
I love her so much.
Happy birthday baby.