Wednesday, September 16, 2009
It seems as though we aren't ourselves. Everything has been changing and moving. There is an unbearable amount of stress on everybody.
No jobs, No money, No hope.. it makes me sick.
I know its pretty far out there, but alot of the time i just wish that money didn't exist.. i hate how such a small thing makes such a big difference. No, money doesn't buy you happiness, but it sure does help.
There is however a little bit of hope, i am supposed to have an interview tomorrow and it sounds promising. Although still no luck for Mr. Rigney.. that makes it all hard. Actually, thats the thing..
Here's how it is right now:
Kolleens parents have no money, no jobs, they actually just lost their house.
This being so, we had to move into the back of the garage at my dads house..
guess what? He is selling his house.. so we have to get an apartment. That's not really a bad thing, we are actually pretty excited about getting out of the 'rents places. But here is where it gets difficult.
We want to move to portland to go to school.. We want to get married. We can't move until we are married (to avoid angry parents). But we are stuck here until July 25th 2010(the wedding date). We are most likely going to have to pay for the wedding seeing as how both of our parents are broke as hell. THAT means we must get jobs and save up money. Not that bad, right? well.. we must also save for the move, and figure out school.. Its hard. we feel like we can't get any help from anyone.. like we are stuck in an endless rut.
We got these sweet longboards.. to cruise all over town on, looking for jobs.. you know, save money. we have basically been driving around on an empty tank for days, cashing in cans to throw 5 bucks in every 2 days, and walking the rest of the time. It sucks..
Bleck! So much going on (or not going on). I can't wait for the next part of my life to start.
I love kolleen, that's all i can focus on to get me by everyday.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I've been having a hard time keeping motivated, Everything is so difficult financially.
It's like.. what do you have to do just to survive? it seems almost impossible.
There's all this stuff that I need to do, and all this stuff that I want. But i can't have it yet, so.. sucks for me I guess.. I feel so rediculous trying to think I can support myself having an apartment right now when I can't even pay my own phone bill, not to mention Insurance and gas..
but i'm 18 and i'm really sick of depending on people, and consistantly having to go back and cause people to spend more money on me, as if they already weren't having financial issues.. Gah, who isn't these days?
I want to be a responsible adult now. Yeah, i'm still in school.. blah blah blah.. But I feel like i'm still not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I owe my dad soo much money. I need to take care of that. And i keep spending money when I get it.. At least lately it has been on Gas and things like Christmas/Birthday gifts.. which is better than the usual fast food. (which by the way, I have not been spending on since I have food-stamps) oh yeah, here I go now being a hypocrit cause I'm pissed off at our Government for raising minimum wage again and now everything else is getting more expensive yet I'm using the tax payers resources.. Gah. But hey, how else am I gonna eat?
I'm going to start working again soon, In a couple weeks..
and I feel really lame right now because I'm seriously having major problems not get upset.
Kolleen tried out for Oklahoma, (the musical) and I know she is going to get the Lead part, the one she has wanted for ever (she says). It's been her "dream to play so and so". And I'm so proud of her, she's such a great actress.. The only thing is.. that there's major kissing in that musical. I can't even handle that. Yeah, I know its not her kissing the guy, it's her Charicter, blah blah.. But think about it.. Put yourself into my shoes..
It's not that I don't support her, because I completely do. I just wont be able to watch her kiss another guy, especially like that. It's a pretty passionate kiss in that play. I actually think there's more than one too. And I feel like a horrible boyfriend. It's not that I don't trust her, because I completely do, and I know she wont get feelings for the guy in the play, It's not even anything to do with her at all.. It's just me, I cant handle it. I don't think I'm going to be able to watch the musical when they start showing it.. I hate it I hate it I hate it.. I'm sooo stupid. Oh and the best part is, Is that Most likely.. Caleb is going to get the Guy Lead part. So.. She will have to kiss him AGAIN!! EWWwwwww!!!! i feel bad for her if thats what happens.. he's nasty.
This is just me ranting.. because I can't sleep, this has been bothering me and I have tried talking about it and she makes me feel better a little bit, But still.. So I figured maybe writing about it might help a little more.
But on a better note, Tomorrow.. actually in about 15 minutes, kolly will be officially 18!!!! yay!
I love her so much.
Happy birthday baby.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I knew from the start that we would be alright.
Cause we hold each other close enough, to never realy feel the lust.
I’ve never had the ability to say exactly how I feel, But I know you know it’s alright
theres no words that would describe what I feel, tonight.
And If I knew that tomorrow would be our last night, I could never hold you so tight, and that’s how I want to live my life.
At the end of every single fight, I think about how much you mean to me and how I’d die if you’d left my sight.
Baby you’re the one for me and I know I’m for you.
there’s nothing I want more right now, than for you to say “I do”.
If something were to happen to us, the world wouldn’t be the same, Existance doesn’t matter to me without you I’ll go insane.
Baby you’re the one for me, and I know I’m for you.
Give me something of our love and I’ll forever be yours too.
Monday, December 1, 2008
On another note, Its been quite a while since i have posted any blogs..
Here's a picure of my tattoo, phase 1, not complete yet.. i'll post another picture when it is complete though.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
She has only been gone for two days and I feel really down. I miss her alot and I know how much she's stressing out and having a bad time so that just makes me more sad.
I'm anxious for tomorrow night when she'll be back. I just want to give her a big hug and kiss and never let go!
On another note, My mom and I are giong to go to Eugene after church tomorrow!
We are going to look for plugs for me, and look for our tattoo artists for when we go to get our tats! That will be alot of fun.
And today.. I go shopping, I'm looking for a few things.. mostly pants, and a jacket if i can find one. Hmm... okay well, i'm gonna take a shower, im a stinky kid.