Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
She has only been gone for two days and I feel really down. I miss her alot and I know how much she's stressing out and having a bad time so that just makes me more sad.
I'm anxious for tomorrow night when she'll be back. I just want to give her a big hug and kiss and never let go!
On another note, My mom and I are giong to go to Eugene after church tomorrow!
We are going to look for plugs for me, and look for our tattoo artists for when we go to get our tats! That will be alot of fun.
And today.. I go shopping, I'm looking for a few things.. mostly pants, and a jacket if i can find one. Hmm... okay well, i'm gonna take a shower, im a stinky kid.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I sit here... so tired, so relaxed. The dim light stirs and haunts the corners of the room as if it were exploring the dark.
A cluster of musical instruments, an overjoyful graduated silhouette celebrates.
One microphone standing, so strong, so powerful, so ready.. It's calling me, but not right now. I can see it, in the distance... theoretically of course.
Waiting, just waiting and feeling. Not too sure of what my head is saying. I do know i'm going to miss her, that's for sure. She's getting ready, packing. Tomorrow she will have to leave, at the start of lunch. I won't get to see her till, Sunday? I think.. oh well, thats really too long.
I'm calm; peace.. i like it. =]
Nothing big.. just getting a little distracted with school and such here and there..
Gotta make sure we keep eyes set on the goal, hearts in the right place, focus on God.
Tonight I had a nice refreshment of that.
"give us clean hands, and give us pure hearts, let us not lift our soul to another. Oh God let us be a generation that seeks."
I want to be part of this generation that makes a change, and that seeks change, the face of God.
I know I will.. I recognise who made me, and why I have what I have.. I am blessed.
Monday, October 6, 2008
School was really relaxed today, just as I'd hoped for.
Thank God for substitute teachers, that meant movie for me today, twice..
I am doing well on work, i have all A's and B's.. That's a first.
The key is personal motivation. Nobody makes me do anything. I chose what I do and why I do it.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect though, I made a whole 7 months of bad choices before I quit being an idiot. Boy am I glad that's all over with.
LOST, again today.. I'm really happy to finally know what happened to Claire when she got abducted. Kolly and I finished the disk, we'll probably start on the next one next week. Since i have worship practice tomorrow, and church on Wednesday.. then She's leaving for Cali for the weekend. Katie's wedding. I will have the place to myself..
Me, the quiet.. except for that Damned Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock....
haha, oh well.. it will keep me company as I work on my latest song.
"I could buy you a rose, but a songs just as sweet. When it comes from my heart, Baby that's all you need". It's going to be a good one.
I got to hang out with my dad for an hour or so. That was nice.. I'm glad that this isn't like it was last time.. I wont let it. I got way too far from my family, I need to stay close. They need me, I need them. Where's my mommy? I miss her... We never got that Eugene trip as we had planned.. Hmm... Birthday is next month, we're supposed to get tattoo's together. I hope she's still planning on that.
18.. I didn't ever think that I would be excited to vote. Surprisingly.. I am.
But that wont be for a while, I get to miss this term, at least the presidential election.
Anyways... I'm out, Goodnight.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Slowly I am more and more fascinated with the sounds that appear in the night time.
Like the faintest ticking of an old alarm clock, or the sounds that the washing machine makes.
During the day your mind is just so busy that you don't take the time to just listen. Not to music, or the television.. But life. People say "Life should have a soundtrack". Well, it does...
I like it here, its calm and there aren't spiders, or leaves and dirt covering the hard, cold cement "bedroom floor". No high-traffic young people, or screaming babies.
Tick-tock, Tick-tock... don't these things seem to get louder and louder? Lol its almost like the guy that invented them was kind of a jerk and decided to make them gradually get louder until you just think you're going insane.. Probably, lol.
It was a good day. Church, worship was fun.. I hung out with mike, I miss him, although my lifestyle has changed. That makes things hard. People grow and change.. i'm not better than him, just making better choices in life. He's a great guy though, i love him like a brother. I wish he would start doing better things with himself. Watched some LOST. Uh-May-Zingg!
I kissed that Kolly girl a whole lot today. That was great, I havent dont that enough lately. She seems to be getting more beautiful as time goes on. Have I mentioned that I love her? yeah, i do.
She has gorgeous eyes, if you ever get a chance.. just look at them, alot.. They speak to you. she doesn't need words, although she has amazing words, her eyes are just so expressive and beautiful. They are such a rare color of Hazel Green, Golden mixed.. I love them/her. <3
I need to write more music. i feel like, if I dont write a certain amount of great songs within a certain amount of time, I can't consider myself a musican. I feel like really i'm not that great. People say I am, i think its just the greatness and the drive to attain perfection inside of me trying to get out, when I realize that i'm not where i want to be i get discouraged. The compliments make me feel good. It helps me to keep playing and writing and trying.
anyways.. thats enough for tonight. I have school in the morning.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Typing, Tap tap, the sound of the rain hitting what you could call a roof.
For those of you who don't know, i reside in the back of an unfinished garage, lol.
it's okay though, The sound is so soothing, I love it.
I'm just sitting here thinking, I'm thinking about today and how it actually was a great day.
Although it was the Preceding events that have caused me to feel this very lonely, I'm missing her badly, feeling as of now.
She was amazing today, so full of radiant love and peace.
Something about her smile that gave me hope through this day.
This morning when i walked outside and she greeted me by opening her car door she looked at me, i saw the color and the tone in her eyes. It told me that today would be a good day.
She knew that i knew, our love has been on the back burner; School, stress.. its normal.
Not saying our love is any bit diminished, but just unrecognized in the recent.
But today, no not today.. I felt it so much stronger than before, she had mentioned previously in her own blogging that during 4th today, our teacher mentioned something of love and how all but a couple exceptions in class hadn't really experienced the true thing yet. At that point we both knew who he was talking about. I felt her burning, intense eyes on my neck, I turned around to meet her glance at the exact moment and the feeling was spectacular.
It was over joyful, incredible, and just so rewarding to know that my girlfriend, the best one I have ever had, really does feel the same way about me, for once.. For once I have a girl that I don't have to second guess her feelings, Or lie to myself and convince myself to fabricate some sort of emotions and carry on the impossible. This is the least bit impossible. So it seems it would be so if I were to carry on without her. <3
Friday, October 3, 2008
No more school for two days, except tomorrow of course..
I have this section leaders conference, its gonna be fun.
I only wish i didn't have to give up my Saturday morning sleep.
My girlfriend is so beautiful, I love her.
I wish i could help her make her migraines go away.
Its nice to just be able to relax and write, and watch movies in the evenings.
It's rather Therapeutic, you know?
Anyways.. I think i have kind of done the same thing as my dad and turned this into more of an online journal... Which is fine.
I'll do poems and such as they come.
I don't really force writing.
School. its alot going on for 5 days straight.. almost too much.
Oh well.. its my last year, i can do it.
Then comes Portland!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Braces got adjusted yesterday, tighter... alot.
My dad brought Excedrin and Vitamin water to me at school today, that was nice.
Government was interesting, we got into a debate about "religion" and how it ties in with being a conservative or a liberal..
I'm liberal, more so than anything else.
Its a tricky topic.. but i don't feel like typing my explanation out.
Kolly and I played at Mycoffee tonight. It was okay, Bella Sera is better.
Last day before the weekend tomorrow. woohoo... *Enthused?*
well time for aching teeth, rubber bands, pillows and sheep.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Waiting oh so anxiously, Hurting my ears.
The sounds and melodies I am longing to hear.
It burns inside of me like a fire so unquenchable.
Like a thirst that couldn't ever be put out.
I'm hardly able to stand it.
Why had I forgotten something like this?
Oh so simple, oh so important!
I should have known it would come to this..
And at the exact moment i would have the urge.
Who would have known?
...Dammit, i should have remembered to grab my guitar.